Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
You want to start your family story project, but your mind keeps circling the same questions. How can I find answers? Why didn’t I ask when I could? Do I know enough to begin?
After a decade of helping people write their family story, I’ve heard this many times. Everyone has questions about their family’s past, no matter how much they talked with their parents and grandparents about their lives.
The truth is, you know more about your family than you think you do, and certainly enough to write a short, meaningful family story.
You don’t need to do research or read through family documents. You need to write down what’s already in your mind about your family.
Right now, that’s questions. They aren’t the barrier, they’re the beginning.
This post is part of the First Timer Storykeeping Series, designed to help you start writing your family story using the Storykeeping® method.
Get Ready to Write
Capture First, Craft Your Story Second
Before you can write down your questions, you need a place to write them. If you set up two places, it makes the process much easier.
If you’ve already set up your two writing spots, skip to the next section.
Why two writing spots? Because there are two kinds of family story writing.
- Capture is writing down your questions. It also includes writing down things you know about your family, like names, places, and events.
- Craft is using what you’ve captured to write words that become a story.
Set up one place to capture and another to craft.
#1 – Your Home Base for Capturing
Ironically, when you write down questions about your family, you can often notice things you do know about your family. Like names, places, and events.
So, having a dedicated place to capture this information is useful. Like a Home Base for all the things you know about your family’s past.
I designed the Writing Family History Template, available as a printable PDF or a Google Sheet, to make it easy for you to set up a Home Base.
The template includes space for your questions and the family details people often want to preserve in a family story: NAMES, PLACES, OBJECTS, EVENTS, TIMELINE.
When you capture what you know in your Home Base, it becomes a meaningful family history document you can share with your kids.
But you don’t have to use the template. You can set up your Home Base in any way that works for you.
#2 – Your Notebook for Crafting
Choose one Notebook to write about your questions. I suggest writing by hand because many people find it easier to get a few words down with a pen than with a keyboard.
Your Notebook is your private space to get messy and explore. Here, you’ll take a question from your Home Base and jot a few words about it.
Later, you can build on the words in your Notebook.
If writing by hand isn’t for you, a Word document or Google Doc can serve as your Notebook. Again, choose one spot and stick with it.
If you need more help setting up your writing spots, see How to Write Your Family Story: A Simpler Way to Start.
3 Reasons Why
Questions Help You Start Your Family Story Project
Your questions are not obstacles. They are a doorway to your writing. Here are three reasons why questions help you start your family story project.
1. Questions Reveal What You Already Know
When your question moves from your mind to the page, it often brings details along with it. For example, you write, “What was my grandmother Rachel Green’s first job when she came to America?” It may seem basic, but you’ve written down your grandmother’s name, and that matters more than you may realize. You may also know her maiden name or where she came from. You can capture these details in your Home Base.
Then, a few memories about your grandmother may come to mind: the scent of her freshly washed hands, her jelly jar in the kitchen where she kept a stash of cash.
You remember something your mom told you about her: that she was strict and valued education. She made your mom do her homework right after school so she could check it before leaving for work on the night shift. Jot all of this down in your Notebook.
You may never find out what your grandmother’s job was, but your question helped you write what you do know about her.
2. Questions Create Forward Motion
When you write your questions down, you’re in a new place. You’ve given yourself permission to be curious. Curiosity expands your awareness and helps you notice possibilities. It’s like standing at the trailhead of a path you hadn’t noticed before.
As you go about your life, new thoughts begin to surface. I could call my cousin. Mom’s friend Sally might know. Maybe Mr. Morris is still in our old neighborhood.
People who have these conversations tell me they were meaningful and illuminating, even if they didn’t get answers to their questions.
A question never written is a question never answered. A question written becomes the starting point for something more.
3. Questions Bring Heart to Your Story
Some questions carry more than curiosity. They carry love, loss, longing, confusion, silence, and grief.
Sometimes there’s no need to explain. Writing the question is enough. Other times, asking why you want to know the answer can help you access a deeper layer of your family story.
See how Allan Rayburn, the son of a Holocaust survivor, began writing his father’s story with his questions.
Before You Begin Writing
What to Look For in Your Questions
What are your questions really about? Missing facts, yes, but perhaps there’s also a feeling behind them. Naming that feeling can help you see why the question matters to you.
Look closely at your questions. Do they express:
- a sense of responsibility to remember
- a desire to honor what someone endured
- a hope that your children will feel rooted
- regret about silence in your family
- a wish to better understand who you are
- a longing for one more conversation
Maybe you just want to get it right, so you can properly honor the lives of family members you loved, who did the best they could.
Let’s Write Your Story
Start With Your Questions
Let’s capture your questions, then jot down a few words about one of them.
Step 1: Capture Questions in Your Home Base (5 min)
Write in the QUESTIONS section of your Home Base.
- Set a timer: 4 minutes
- Write down: Any questions that come to mind.
- Review: 1 minute. Read your questions. Add full names if you know them, and names of places.
Done. Now you have a list of questions you can return to anytime.
💡Be Aware: When more questions come to mind, add them to your list.
Step 2: Jot About One Question in Your Notebook (5 min)
Choose one question from your Home Base and write it at the top of a page in your Notebook. Then use the prompt below to begin.
- Set a timer: 4 minutes
- Prompt: Why do I want to know the answer to this question?
- Jot down: Words and phrases about why your question matters to you. You aren’t trying to answer the question. Just get whatever is in your mind down on the page, even if you go off-topic.
- It may not take you the full time. Once you’ve written a few words and phrases, move on to Review.
- Review: 1 minute. Read what you wrote like a gentle, curious reader. What do you notice? Jot down a few more words. If a feeling comes to mind, name it.
🌟Optional: Repeat with another question.
Next Steps
What Feels Easiest?
Take a moment to notice what you’ve accomplished today.
- For first-time writers: You set up two writing spots and wrote a few words in your Notebook. Your family story project is underway.
- For continuing writers: You captured some questions in your Home Base and wrote a few more words in your Notebook. You made meaningful progress in 10 minutes.
Stop Here for Today
If you are out of time or energy, stop and feel good about what you’ve done. Come back another day and continue working on your family story project.
Capture More of What You Know
If you’d like to keep going, the NAMES category is a good next step. Capturing family names matters more than you might think. You know your parents’ names, and maybe your grandparents’ names. You may also have a few words to say about one of them.
Below is a list of categories. Click one for step-by-step guidance.
Share With Someone
You’ve already shared with one person: you. This may be the first time you’ve written down the questions you have about your family’s past. Pause to recognize this moment.
As you go about your life, notice if anyone comes to mind. Maybe there’s someone you can talk to about one or more of your questions. An extended family member, friend, neighbor, or even a work colleague. They might fill in missing pieces, or it may simply be enjoyable to talk to them about your family member.
Subscribe below to receive the Story Starter Workbook, a simple guide to help you keep taking small, meaningful steps on your family story project.
Frequently Asked Questions
FAQs
No. Your questions can help you begin writing. Writing them down helps you capture what you already know, notice what the questions mean to you, and put meaningful words on the page, even if you never find the full answer.
Surprisingly, just putting your questions into words can relieve some of that overwhelm. Start by writing down just a few of them, and let that be enough for today.
Yes. Questions carry emotion, and writing them can convey it without saying anything more.
You may not be able to get all the answers you want, but you still know things about your parent that your kids may want to know someday. After all, that’s their grandparent. Start by writing down your questions. That can help you clarify what you want to know and identify people you might want to talk to. Then, write down what you do know so you can share it with your children.
You can still start by writing down your questions and why they matter to you. Do this just for you. Eventually, you may discover ways to talk to your parent about the past, or that may never happen. Either way, you can do things differently. You can talk about your family’s past, including the things you wonder and may never know.
